Twice Loved, Twice Betrayed
by youkai chick supreme
Summary: She thinks she's fooling me, but I know better. She thinks I don't know where she goes to when she leaves... But I know, oh how I know. On hiatus for the moment! Sorry.
1. The Encounter

A/n: I don't know what is possessing me to write this but here we go…

God forgive me! I feel this to be a grievous sin! But I must write what my heart commands me to!

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha (or Trigun for that matter).

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My heart is breaking. Literally breaking in half. The bloody mess is sinking from my throat, sliding down to land heavily in my stomach. How could she do this to me? How? How could she fucking throw away 3 years of love and protection…? How! And why with him of all people? Couldn't she have picked anyone else?

I watch as she tousles his hair, burying her fingers into his long locks, her other hand resting firmly on his bicep. I watch as he tilts her head back, dominating her even more. I watch as she purrs out a sound half between a moan and a giggle. I watch as that bastard kisses her harder, demanding her compliance.

And she just gives it to him! She gives it willingly. She fucking bends and gives him submission! I had to fucking beg for even the littlest speck of dominance and here she fucking gives it to him for nothing!

Oh gods, how could she do this to me? She's a bitch. She's such an incredible bitch! Surely she knew I loved her. She must know I love her. And I do still love her… Even now, as I watch them, I still find myself loving her… wishing to be him.

Him. He knew I loved her. He knew it, but he did it anyway. He took her just like he took everything I ever wanted! Nothing I ever did was ever good enough for him. I'd walk, he'd want me to run. I'd jump, he'd want me to leap. Nothing I did was ever good enough! My blood was too tainted. I was just some stupid mistake to him.

But ha, if he thought I was tainted… my, my. What will the children look like? Will they resemble their uncle? I hope they fucking look just like me. I hope their mother cries every time she looks at them. And I hope he remembers how shitty he treated me.

Didn't he know I did all of it for him? Didn't he know if he would have just given me the slightest fucking hint that he cared even the littlest bit that I'd want nothing else from him! Yea… He knew. He just didn't give a fuck. He never gave a fuck.

Sometimes I wish he just would have killed me back then, just snapped my neck and let me die… Right now death is looking pretty damn good.

Hell, I wish I was still stuck to the fucking tree. To be eternally alone is better than this shit. Gods… This is such bull shit! Even with Kikyou, even with the way she is now, even she's better than this. Kikyou would never hurt me like this, even her giving the shards to Naraku was less of a betrayal than this. Even her arrow piercing my flesh was easier to bear…

Does she think I don't know? Does she think she's better than my nose? Does she think she can wash the stink of him off her skin with simple soap and water? Coming back into camp after seeing him, smiling her simple smile, acting like she loves me… She never loved me! She loved him…

Stupid fucking whore. She actually thought she was fooling me. But I know that scent better than any other. That bastard. That bastard that who I knew was a bastard before I even learned the word! She could never scrub the stink of him off her.

I know how he could do it, he hates me; but her… I thought she at least liked me. I knew she could never really love me, but at least I thought she was out to try and spare my feelings… Fucking bitch. Fucking lying bitch! I hate her, them, both of them. I hate them so fucking much. But I don't care, I refuse to give two shits about them!

…But then why does it hurt so much?

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…Ahhh. What did I just write! A Kag/Sesshy! That's not like me! That goes against everything I've ever stood for! Oh my… I really should be working on my Trigun fic, sorry "Run" fans… The delay continues! (Why did I put an exclamation like I'm happy about that…?)

Review please!


	2. The Departure

A/n: Ah, no one likes this, or at least they don't like it enough to review, but since some people actually looked at it, and I'm assuming read it, I'll continue. At least, I'll continue one more chapter. After this I'm wiping this story from the net, unless someone tells me not to.

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I can't watch this any longer; I can't fucking watch him practically rut her in my fucking forest! My own damn forest! How can they do this to me, and here of all places? I can't watch this! And even though it's fucking killing me to see her looking so damn happy with my own bastard of a brother, I can't look away. As much as I want to, have to, I can't look away.

I can't do this…

She's smiling now, she laughing. She's pulling back coyly and smiling that innocent little smile. That smile she used to give me when we would share secrets. She probably fucking told everything I've ever said to her to him! Maybe they don't even talk… Maybe they just fuck. Maybe they're doing this to sabotage my life! It sure feels like they're honestly trying to hurt me. Not like I really care…

A glance in my direction, our eyes lock for a second. He sees me. He's looking right at me, and he's fucking smiling. Smirking really, his twisted little way of telling me to fuck off. His way of telling me I've lost, again.

Damn him! He just loves to do this. He loves to take everything I hold dear and ruin it! He doesn't love her. He doesn't love her like I love her! He just can't stand to see me happy, or even nearly happy. I know he doesn't love her. I can see it in his eyes. I can see it written on his face. He doesn't love her at all.

And she… I don't even know. I don't even know what the hell is running through her head right now. Dumb bitch. Manipulative bitch. Betraying bitch. Whore! Nothing but a whore. Everything and more. She's such a liar. I can't stand it! I can't handle this again! I've already lost one woman, I can't do it again. Not now, not her.

What is she thinking! Why is she doing this?

I really though I could love her, open up to her. Fuck that, I did. I did love her, I did open up to her. And I trusted her! And this is what I get in return, nothing but another betrayal. More pain, more than I can stand! Gods, what did I do to deserve this, this life of nothing but grief?

It is times like these that I wish I were dead. Hmm, funny. Where is Kikyou when I need her? At this moment all I need is Kikyou to come traipsing up, with her offer to take me to Hell, and I would go. Willingly. I would grab her and hold her close, pretend she was the real Kikyou, the one I knew years ago, and wait for Hell to swallow me up. Death doesn't hurt like this hurts right now, it couldn't possibly.

He locks eyes with me once more, and smirks once again. And I want to rip his face from his skull. I want to scream. I want to castrate him for even touching this mere human wench. I want to kill him in the most violent, bloody way possible. And her…

I want to just hold her head under the water until all the bubbles stop floating to the surface. I want to cry, which is saying something. I haven't felt the urge to cry since mother died, over a century ago. But at this moment I want to scream, cry, kill. And I truly do want to die.

Still lurking in the tree top canopy, I watch as he turns and leaves, trailing a clawed digit down her cheek and neck. To my disgust she shudders, and not in fear. And the urge to jump down from my hiding place and rip off his other arm as well increases. But nothing more comes from his touch, thank god, and he leaves, finally.

She turns and smiles, she looks happy. She looks fulfilled. And it takes me a moment to relax my jaw enough to open it to breath. I start to remove my hands from the branch and I notice how my claws have embedded themselves into the bark. Funny, I don't remember doing that. Retching them free, I prepare to spring on her.

Crouching and springing up quickly, I soar over the tree tops for a second, then fall like a rock to the ground, nearly silently. She sees me, and freezes. Her mouth twitches, tries to form an innocent smile, and fails, falling into a guilty frown. She looks like she doesn't know where to turn, what to do, say. And I love it. I love her look of complete turmoil. In a sick way, it makes me feel better.

But it doesn't make up for the fact that she was just coupled with my brother.

"Inuyasha. I can explain." Ah, so she has found her voice at last. I doubt she can, and I don't want to listen. Because even after all that, if she lies and tells me it'll never happen again, I'll believe her. And I'll take her back. And I'll go on loving her. And I can't let that happen.

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To be continued!

Maybe, if someone reviews. I don't mind if it's only one person, but I at least need to know someone is really reading this. Like I said, if no one is really reading, I'll simply delete this story. However, if I have even only one loyal, reviewing reader, I'll write more. Ja ne.


	3. The Last Goodbye

Disclaimer: Inuyasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, duh! So if you're looking for cash, go bother her. Keh.

A/n: Ah, someone likes it! So continue I must. Thank you loyal reader, readers, I forget, is there one or two? Anyways! I appreciate you! This is for you, yo!

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"Shut up." I'm talking quietly, any louder and I think I'll scream. But I know she hears me. By the look on her face, she did. She almost looks hurt. This bitch has the balls to look hurt! It's almost admirable.

"Inuya-" She starts, reaching out a hand towards me.

"Shut the fuck up bitch!" I am screaming now. If she wasn't a girl I'd have swung at her already. But hell, if she wasn't a girl, I wouldn't have a problem in the first place. At least she's dropped her hand. I can't have her touching me. Not now, not ever again.

Because she doesn't mean it. All her loving gestures and remarks, all her heartfelt words, all her caring glances, all those quiet moments when she would rest her head against my shoulder… They were all meaningless. Every single fucking moment we spent together was fucking meaningless.

To her.

To me they meant the world. They promised me the most beautiful future, one that would never happen. God, was I stupid? Was I stupid to believe she really loved me, that a person like her could love a thing like me? Was everyone right all those years ago? Was blood and breeding so fucking important after all?

I found my answer tonight, in the act of one coupling. I just never thought it would hurt me this much.

But he's cruel, Sesshoumaru. He's heartless and so fucking uppity and self-important. He's tried to kill me, and her too, so many times! Doesn't that matter to her? But after all, she thinks I tried to kill her too, that first time she saw me. I didn't though, if I truly had wanted to kill her, she'd be dead. I thought she knew that. Guess not…

He's killed innocent people; Sesshoumaru has slaughtered hundreds, youkai and ningen alike. But then again, so have I. Maybe he's not- I stop that sentence dead in its tracks. Sesshoumaru is NOT better than me. Just because his breeding is pure does not mean he is!

If anything, he's the monster. He's the one who's heartless and cruel and… and yet, he's the one she chose. He's the one who gets to touch her and hold her. He's the lucky bastard who gets to love her. While I just sit by like a fucking coward and watch them. I'm so fucking pathetic.

Because even after all of this, I want nothing more than to be him.

"I don't even want to know why, ok? I don't even want to look at you. God, you're disgusting. My own brother. The enemy. You're fucking the enemy. God, who next? Kouga, Naraku? Why not? You already fucked one enemy of mine, why not two or three, eh? God, this is hilarious. It's so fucking funny! I'm laughing. I'm fucking laughing Kagome! Do you see me? Do you really see me? I can't believe you. No! Shut your mouth, you whore. I don't want to hear it."

Her mouth hangs open, what is she shocked I called her out on her whoring around? Then she must be stupid as well. Did she expect me to be happy for her? She must know how I feel. She must know what a fucking betrayal this is.

Her eyes are watering up; oh she has the audacity to cry now. Beautiful. Fucking beautiful. Will she use the command too? Send me to the floor to kiss her feet? No, I won't. And I will not apologize. And I will not try to make her feel better and I will not feel guilty! If anyone should feel guilty it's her!

"Please, let me talk!" She lunges at me, arms open hands grasping towards me, as if to trap me in her web of lies and fake emotions! I won't do it! I will not be made a fool of again! I can't… doesn't she see? I can't be made a fool of again. My heart won't be able to handle another betrayal. It's hardly handling this one.

I step back a little and place my palm on her forehead to keep her at arms' length, my arms that is, longer limbs, to keep her from trying to wrap her succubus arms around me. I step back and hold her, surprisingly gently, away from myself.

"I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear how much you love him, or how he promised you forever, or how hurt he is, how much he needs love. I don't want to know. I don't want to hear your voice. I don't even want to see your face right now. I don't want you to touch me, I don't want you to look at me. I don't want anything from you, I don't want anything! I don't want anything that you have to offer." 'Not anymore.' I add silently.

Her eyes are leaking at the corners, she really looks upset, and I have to look away before I become weakened by her tears. I will not be swayed by some fucking crocodile tears. I will not fold on this. I will not let her play me like a fool, not again. I will not let her get away with this. Her tears will not make me weak, not any weaker than I am already.

My insides are twisting, I feel so sick. My gut feels like it did when my bastard half-brother shoved his hand through it. Did she forget that? Did she forget the pain he caused me, her, the whole fucking team? Did she forget how horribly he could treat people?

How could she fall for someone so twisted and depraved? I want to know, the masochist in me is dying to know how he did it. So what if her answer hurts me, he argues, am I not hurt now? He makes so much sense I have to clamp my tongue between my canines and clench my jaw ridiculously tight. I don't want to know. I want to know. I don't know what I want! I don't know anything anymore!

My voice is soft and weak sounding to my own ears as I open my mouth and words start flowing out. "Get away from me. Go home. Go back to your own fucking time." 'And wait for my bastard brother there you whore, see if he waits for you. A worthless mortal girl.'

Some emotion flashes in her eyes, is it pain? I don't know, I don't care at this point. I hope it is pain. I hope it's regret. I hope it's despair. I hope she spends the rest of her short, mortal life regretting fucking Sesshoumaru. I'll sure regret it.

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The end! Psych! Like I'd really end it here! I don't think so. There will be more, fear not! I will end this soon. Like next chapter soon. Ok well, review! 


	4. The End of Us

A/n: Ahem, shit. I've been bad. Very bad. Here's my chapter…

Disclaimer: Not Takahashi. Not mine.

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She starts forward, her arms are spread wide open, ha, like her legs for my own brother. Her eyes are still leaking at the edges. She walks towards me like she's going to hug me or something. She's close now, skin-crawlingly close. I can't deal with this, I can't stand her.

"I can't understand you." She pauses, and cocks her head to the side, like she doesn't get it. Maybe she doesn't. Maybe she really doesn't know what she did wrong.

That thought almost hurts more than her knowing what she did was wrong and doing it anyway. Before she was selfish, but if she didn't know it was wrong then that just makes her as bad as him.

I can't stand her. I want to just shake her until her head flies off, but I don't want to touch her. Silently I wonder if I can get up enough balls to just grab her up, run like hell to the well, and throw her in it. I think, if I can just get the will to just grab her, that I can do it. But I can't risk it. I might just grab her and hold her instead. And I don't want that.

Really, I don't want to hold her anymore. I don't want to touch her. I want all my feelings for her to just disappear. At this point they almost have. Maybe, in a few years I'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

Ha, yea fucking right. I'll never be able to be happy about this. I loved her, I really did. I still do. And I know, I should be, ack, happy for her because she's happy with him, but I can't do it. Maybe I'm selfish too. Because I just can't sit back and smile and offer congratulations. I'm not happy about this. And I'm not going to be happy about this. I'm not going to hold her hand, and take her offered hugs and then let her go out and fuck my relatives. I just, I can't do that to myself.

I don't want to be her friend. I don't want to be her confidante. I don't even want to be her protector. Not when that's all I can ever be to her. I want more. I want more than that.

God, I want so much more than that. I want a lover, someone who really loves me, just for me. I want kids, well, maybe I want kids. I want a family though! Whatever that is, I want it. I want it so badly it hurts inside me, deep inside me where no one can reach. I thought maybe, just maybe she could get there, deep inside of me and make it all better. But god, I was wrong about her.

I just want it to stop hurting.

Something moves to the left of me, I shift my eyes over and it's her. She's trying to sneak away… She's crouching behind bushes and trees… I really, really don't get her. Sometimes, sometimes I think she's really got a busted brain.

"What the fuck are you doing? Just stand up straight and walk away, you idiot." I give her point 3 seconds to react badly. I may not understand her, but I know this about her: she hates being called stupid. All the more reason for me to shout it at her.

"Inuyasha! Osu-" She begins to shout, face flushed, before she catches herself and swallows the rest of the word, just like a whore. Hm, guess she doesn't feel like adding injury to insult. What a saint of a girl.

"Inuyasha, I don't know what to say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I hurt you, I'm not sorry for being with him, I love him. But I never meant to hurt you." She looks at me, looks me right in the eye, and I can tell she means it. It sears a pain down my entire being. I want to laugh and cry at the same time. I can't get a grip on my emotions. I want to scream, I want it all to stop. I want to stop hurting like this. I'll do anything to make it stop. Make it stop!

"I know." I find myself whispering. "I know you didn't mean it, but you have to leave now. And you can't ever come back. I can't, I can't even look at you. You have to go home now, for good."

She turns her head to the side, and cries. Big salty tears roll down her face and drip onto her uniform. She nods her head, says she knew I would say that. And then she murmurs his name. And before I can control myself I have my claws in her shoulder and I'm shaking her. I have no control over my arms, I can't stop shaking her back and forth, even as she begs and pleads with me to stop. It's like I'm watching my body take action on its own. It's the strangest feeling. And I can't bring myself to care.

I move her back, to the left, I guide her through the trees until we reach a familiar clearing. I ignore her protests, I ignore every word that spills from her tainted lips. I clamp my ears down so she knows I'm not even paying attention, but she still feels the need to yell at me. I don't care anymore. I don't care about anything.

We reach the lip of the well, her back to it, facing me. I hesitate for only a second and her arms are around me. It's like a million pin pricks everywhere she touches. I bring my arms to her neck, touching her skin for a minute. I want to weep. It feels so good. But she's not mine to touch, so I pull my hands away, bringing with them the necklace her shards are on. She knows the minute they're gone from her neck, and she looks up at me with wide, scared-looking eyes.

I press my lips to her forehead quickly, I can't even think of touching her lips. Her brow is creased with worry and she's tearing up again as I put my hands to her chest and push. Not lightly, I might add.

Her arms fly up as she falls back, light glowing from inside the wooden structure. She doesn't speak, and neither do I. There are no words to describe what I feel for her or how much she hurt me. There are simply no words to describe what we were, or weren't.

But no matter how much she hurt me, how little she thought of me, no matter what happened between us, I'll always think of her as being way out of my reach. She was too high for someone like me to ever hope to reach.

Why did I delude myself into thinking I was worthy?

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A/n: Aha… um. I like it. It feels rather… choppy but that was the intention. Ever had your heart smashed? You're not able to think poetically. Or even coherently. That was what I went on.

Oh man guys. I really am more sorry than I could ever say. This was not worth the wait, I know it wasn't. But real life got in the way. Also Inuyasha has lost its obsessive grip over my entire being. It's just not as amazing as it once was, at least, not to me.

Well, please review. All I've got left to write is like some way to tie up some of the loose ends… Please review!


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